


Hello, Love Goddess

by Erikthonius



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-08-19 10:16:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16532645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erikthonius/pseuds/Erikthonius
Summary: The Love Goddess is on line to answer your relationship questions.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I was on a long drive, listening to many episodes of The Savage Lovecast, and...

Hello, Love Goddess, how can I help you?

===========

Hi, I have a question about my boyfriend. I love him, but he’s got some really old-fashioned attitudes about being gay. I mean seriously old-fashioned, like from eighty years ago. I know he’s been through a lot of serious shit, and I want to help him realize that things are better now. How can I help him?

Dr. Sunshine

\-----------

Hi, it’s about my girlfriend. We’ve been going out for a while, and I want to buy her a gift. My friends suggest jewelry or flowers, but the problem is, she has all the jewels she wants, and she doesn’t like flowers. It’s something to do with her stepmother.

Baby Man

\----------

Hi, I want to tell you about my girlfriend. She’s beautiful, she’s strong, she’s smarter than anyone else I know. She puts up with me, even though I’m not really that smart. Well, I may have kelp for brains, but I know that she’s the best thing for me, and I’m lucky to have her. I don’t really have any problems or questions. I just want everybody to know that my girlfriend is perfect.

Saves the World (with a Lot of Help)

\----------

Hi, Love Goddess. So I have this boyfriend. He’s just gorgeous. I mean, I can’t believe how hot he is. And he’s super understanding. He’s got the best sense of humor too, which is really important to me. I would do anything for him. I’d lie, I’d cheat, I’d steal I’d rob a bank for him. That gives me an idea. Gotta go, I’ll talk to you later.

Light Fingers

\----------

Hi, Love Goddess. So I’m going out with this boy. He’s younger than I am, actually a lot younger than I am, but things are really good between us now. They started out kind of rough. When I first met him, I felt like he was kind of forced on me, and we really didn’t get along. We argued a lot, but then I saw how kind he was. He was really awkward around me at first, like he didn’t know how to treat girls. You know, kind of geeky, no clue, but he tried to be helpful, and in fact, he got me out of a situation that I’d been stuck in for far too long. It was nice at first, but he was still really immature and didn’t seem like he was ready to settle down. I, on the other hand, had my heart broken by a lot of guys who made a lot of promises and then just left me. At any rate, we’ve worked through a lot of issues, and things are going well, but I’m wondering, I’ve reached a point where I’m suddenly aware of my own mortality, and is he really the one I want to spend my life with?

Mamacita

\----------

Hi, uh Love Goddess. This might be a little awkward. I’m kind of outside your usual listener area, but my cousin said you might be able to help me. So I’ve sort of fallen for this person. We’ve been working together for a while, and, well, this person is, it’s hard to explain. So, first off, this person looks really good, no matter what they’re wearing. It could be a wedding dress (wait, it wasn’t for a real wedding, long story there) or just a sweater vest and skinny jeans. This person is kind of prickly, but sometimes I think we click. We kissed a couple of times and it was great, but I don’t really know where to take it from here.

Dead Dude

\----------

Hi Love Goddess. So first of all, I’m just coming out as bi. I fell for this guy. He’s super hot. The biggest problem is his self image. As far as I’m concerned, he’s got this incredible body. His chest is super built and his arms are like huge. (I’ve got these little pipe cleaner arms, so I’m kind of jealous.) The problem is, all he can see is that he’s got kind of a gut. He’s always complaining about how his stomach sticks out and is soft. I think that’s actually super hot, it’s like I have this perfect pillow where I can rest my head and either look up at his fabulous upper body or look down at his huge...well you get the idea. How do I convince him that he’s just perfect?

Hacker Macher

\----------

Hi Love Goddess. So I’m a Lesbian. I don’t want anything to do with boys, sexually. (I mean some of my best friends are boys, but they’d better keep their pants on around me or pigs will be running wild, if you know what I mean.) The problem is, sometimes I have this male side to me. I’d just like to find some nice girl who’s okay with that. Seriously, is that too much to ask?

Misty

\----------

Hi Love Goddess. So, I’ve been dating this boy. Yeah, I’m gay. I wish people wouldn’t make such a fuss over it, it’s the twenty-first century, for crying out loud. So, I really like him, but I don’t get what he sees in me. He’s all perfect. He’s blond, he’s tanned, he’s smart, he’s really good at everything he does. Everybody likes him. I’m just not like that. I’m, yeah, I’ll say it, I’m kind of short. I’m not very social. People are creeped out by me. They say they aren’t but I don’t believe them. I just don’t know what he sees in me. But I just...I just really like him. Even though he can be kind of a dork sometimes.

GK

\----------

Hi Love Goddess. Remember me? I’m the one you told not to date inside my “professional” circle; that it wouldn’t work out. Well, I have to say, I’m shocked that you were completely right. I love the people I work with, but I have to share so much of my own strength with them that I don’t really have enough to make a relationship work, so I started dating this guy completely outside that. It took a while, especially getting him to understand how much of my life is wrapped up in what I do, but he’s completely down with that. It will be hard for some of my friends to come to terms with that, but I think they’ll come around. Anyway, thanks.

RAH RAH!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the Love Goddess responds:

Chapter Two

She went over to the brasier with three parcels. She threw each of them into the flames, first the chocolates, then the oysters, then the rose petals. After each one, she uttered the same prayer: “Maman, que mes paroles fassent honneur à ton nom.” [Mother, may my words bring honor to your name.] The first two sacrifices were consumed instantly; the rose petals lingered a bit and then transformed into a perfumed cloud that filled her nostrils and caused her to reel back as inspirations drifted into her head. She unbound her hair and moved carefully over to her desk and began to compose responses.

===========

Dear Dr. Sunshine,

I know it seems difficult now, but be patient. Your boyfriend might seem old-fashioned, but prepare to be surprised. Sometimes those old-fashioned types that we think of as so prudish are actually the wildest ones once they get behind the closed shades. And something tells me your boyfriend knows what to do when there are shades involved.

\----------

Dear Baby Man,

Don’t sell yourself short. What girl doesn’t like it when their boyfriend cares enough to actually consider what kind of gift she wants. For me, I can’t imagine how much jewelry it would take to be all that I want. Maybe a cuddly little pet, like a kitten or a puppy or a bunny. Too bad you don’t have somewhere to get all kinds of animals to see what kind she’d like the best.

\----------

Dear Saves,

Listen, dear. I know humble bragging when I hear it. You’d better be careful or you might find your perfect girlfriend tossing you aside (or over her shoulder.)

\----------

Dear Fingers,

I know your type. You’re so sure you’ve stolen your boyfriend’s heart. Well let me tell you, buster, you’d better be sure that you keep that heart safe, because you might think you’re the best thief in town, but you DO NOT want the love police coming after you. By the way, if you actually do rob that bank, don’t forget the Love Goddess when you come into that fortune.

\----------

Hola Mamacita,

Sounds like you might have some issues with your boyfriend’s maturity (or lack of it). First of all, remember, you might be his mamacita, but you’re not his mother. If he has some growing up to to do, you can help him out, but he’s got to do the heavy lifting himself. And while he’s doing that, make sure you don’t forget your own inner goddess. If you can balance that, I predict that the two of you can have a good future together.

\----------

Dear Dead Dude,

For starters, find a better name for yourself; morbid much? You’re being very cagy about your “friend’s” gender. I suspect that this is more of an issue for you than for your friend. Listen to the Love Goddess and listen to your own feelings. They are more important than some preconceived notion of whether you think you’re supposed to like boys or girls. Listen, deary, if you’ve found love, you can’t that dead a dude.

\----------

Dear Hacker,

Sounds like both of you have some body issues. Well for starters, remember beauty starts from within. When it comes right down to it, what does your boyfriend do to make you forget your own body-shaming? You might try doing the same right back to him. And remember, if that fails, there’s nothing a good makeover can’t cure. 

\----------

Hey Misty, 

Sounds like you need to find a certain kind of woman, but don’t forget there are plenty of fish in the sea, and plenty of pigs in the field. You sound like you know what you want, so instead of hoping that someone will just wave a magic wand and create the perfect girlfriend, go out and get what you want. Don’t just stand there waiting at the crossroads, girl!

\----------

Dear GK,

Well, aren’t you just Mr. Doom and Gloom. I’m glad to see that you’re out of the closet, but now it’s time to get out of the shadows. You need to stop worrying about whether other people like you or whether they think your boyfriend is cool. Step out into the sunshine; you deserve it.

\----------

Dear Cheerleader,

The Love Goddess always likes to hear people acknowledge when she’s right, not that anybody should ever be surprised by it. Good for you first of all, for getting out there and dating; don’t forget, you’re more than just your job. Second, good for you for knowing that the Love Goddess is always right.

===========

 

She put the pen down and rose from the desk. Then she plaited her hair back into the pigtails she habitually wore, making herself look younger than she was. When she took up the mantle of Love Goddess, she knew that this child-like look guaranteed that no-one would ever realize that Camp Half Blood’s very own relationship advisor was...

**Author's Note:**

> I'd welcome suggestions to expand this if you'd care to comment.


End file.
